Coercive Control in Close Relationships

Coercive control refers to a pattern of behaviours that, together, form a more or less systematic effort to gain extensive control over another person. It can be difficult to recognise because individual actions may not seem particularly serious when viewed in isolation. The harm arises from the combination of many behaviours, their repetition, and their continuation over a long period of time.

Coercive control can occur in intimate relationships, but it may also be directed at a child by a parent, for example as part of so-called honour-based abuse. In intimate relationships, coercive control is a significant risk factor for abuse continuing after separation and developing into stalking.

Although coercive control is often viewed primarily as a form of emotional abuse, it commonly involves other forms of abuse as well, including economic, physical, digital, and spiritual abuse. Perpetrators maintain control through for example:

• manipulation
• belittling
• dismissing or invalidating the victim’s thoughts and feelings
• blackmail and coercion
• threats
• monitoring and surveillance
• isolating the victim from family, friends, and other sources of support

Creating petty rules and closely monitoring whether they are followed can also be part of coercive control. These rules are often arbitrary, constantly changing, and may not apply to the perpetrator themselves. Perpetrators may also alternate between rewards and punishments, which helps maintain an atmosphere of fear while strengthening the victim’s emotional attachment to the relationship.

As a result of ongoing control, victims often become increasingly isolated from the people around them and may experience profound loneliness.

The use of technology is also common in coercive control. For example, a perpetrator may track the victim’s location, monitor their communications, or closely supervise their contact with friends and family members.

Over time, the victim may become so isolated that the perpetrator appears to be the only close person left in their life.

Coercive Control Is a Form of Domestic Abuse

Coercive control is a serious and long-term form of domestic abuse. It often leads to a significant narrowing of the victim’s world, affecting their independence, relationships, and daily life. Their understanding of themselves and the world around them may gradually change.

Victims may feel as though they are losing their sense of self. Memories of events may become distorted, and it can become difficult to distinguish between what actually happened, what they genuinely think and feel, and what they have been told by the perpetrator.

Over time, coercive control can erode a person’s confidence in their own abilities, judgement, resilience, and sense of self-worth. As a result, leaving the relationship may become extremely difficult.

Read more about domestic violence

• Domestic violence can affect everyone
• Dynamics of an Abusive Relationship
  • Warning Signs of an Abusive Relationship
• Experiencing Violence and Abuse in a Close Relationship
  • Traumatic Crisis of Domestic Abuse
  • Children and Adolescents as Victims of Domestic Violence
• Forms of Violence and Abuse in Close Relationships
  • Emotional Abuse in Close Relationships
  • Physical Violence in an Intimate Relationship
  • Sexual Violence in Close Relationships
  • Digital Abuse in Close Relationships
  • Economic Abuse in Close Relationships
  • Honour Based Abuse in Close Relationships
  • Spiritual or Religious Abuse in an Intimate Relationship
  • Post-Separation Abuse and Stalking in Close Relationships
• Leaving an Abusive Relationship
  • Considering Safety in Situations Involving Domestic Violence and Abuse
  • Advice for Those Supporting a Victim of Domestic Abuse
• Recovering from Abuse and Violence