Advice for Those Supporting a Victim of Domestic Abuse

If something about a relationship of a friend, family member or someone close to you raises concerns about possible abuse, it is important to take those concerns seriously. Although bringing up the topic of abuse may feel difficult or intrusive, a conversation and support from a trusted person can be a crucial factor in helping someone leave an abusive relationship.

Talking About Abuse with a Loved One

It is often best to approach the conversation gently at first. As the discussion progresses, you can express your concerns about the person’s wellbeing and safety. The aim is to help them reflect on their relationship and consider whether it is healthy and safe for them.

For example, if you suspect that a friend’s partner may be abusive, you could begin by asking how they feel about their partner’s behaviour. It is important to allow them plenty of space to talk. If you dominate the conversation, they may feel pressured to see their relationship in a particular way.

Avoid pressuring them to leave the relationship or making them feel guilty for staying. Comments such as “I would never put up with that in a relationship” can increase feelings of shame. People who experience intense shame often withdraw and become less willing to talk about their situation.

It is also advisable to avoid strongly criticising or condemning the perpetrator, especially if the victim is defending them. Doing so may unintentionally trigger feelings of guilt or shame. However, it is important to acknowledge clearly that the abusive behaviour is wrong and unfair. Abuse should never be justified or excused.

Supporting Someone When They Are Leaving the Relationship

Leaving an abusive relationship usually takes time, careful consideration, and often several attempts. Watching this process can be frustrating and emotionally exhausting for those close to the person experiencing abuse. For this reason, it is important to take care of your own wellbeing and, when necessary, allow yourself some emotional distance from the situation.

The most important thing is that the person experiencing abuse knows they can rely on you if they need help. This may be especially important if the abuse becomes life-threatening or if the victim decides to leave the relationship and needs practical support.

After leaving the relationship, help from family members and friends is often invaluable. A person healing from abuse may have limited emotional and practical resources, making everyday tasks feel overwhelming. Support with practical matters, such as managing paperwork, arranging housing, or dealing with other responsibilities, can be extremely helpful. Everyday assistance, such as preparing meals, helping with daily routines, or simply spending time together, can also play an important role in supporting recovery and rebuilding a sense of safety and normality.

Read more about domestic violence

• Domestic violence can affect everyone
• Dynamics of an Abusive Relationship
  • Warning Signs of an Abusive Relationship
• Experiencing Violence and Abuse in a Close Relationship
  • Traumatic Crisis of Domestic Abuse
  • Children and Adolescents as Victims of Domestic Violence
• Forms of Violence and Abuse in Close Relationships
  • Emotional Abuse in Close Relationships
  • Physical Violence in an Intimate Relationship
  • Sexual Violence in Close Relationships
  • Digital Abuse in Close Relationships
  • Coercive Control in Close Relationships
  • Economic Abuse in Close Relationships
  • Honour Based Abuse in Close Relationships
  • Spiritual or Religious Abuse in an Intimate Relationship
  • Post-Separation Abuse and Stalking in Close Relationships
• Leaving an Abusive Relationship
  • Considering Safety in Situations Involving Domestic Violence and Abuse
• Recovering from Abuse and Violence