Experiencing Violence and Abuse in a Close Relationship

Violence and abuse refer to any misuse of physical or psychological force or power, or the threat of such behaviour. This includes, for example, physically or emotionally harming, controlling, or intimidating another person. In the context of a close relationship, abuse takes place within a close personal relationship, such as a current romantic relationship, a relationship between former partners, or a relationship between a parent and a child.

Anyone can experience violence and abuse in a close relationship, regardless of their gender, age, cultural background, financial situation, or any other personal circumstances. Likewise, anyone can be a perpetrator of violence and abuse, regardless of their background.

Responsibility for violence always lies with the person who uses it.

Abuse in a close relationship may consist of isolated incidents, or it may be repeated, ongoing, and even occur daily. It can be deliberate and deeply embedded in the dynamics of the relationship, or it may be linked to specific situations, including difficulties with emotional regulation or impulse control.

Responsibility for violence always lies with the person who uses it. While there may be various factors that help explain why someone uses violence, none of them justify abusive behaviour. All forms of violence and abuse in close relationships are harmful, and their effects can be long-lasting and wide-ranging. This is why it is important to seek support as early as possible.

How Do Violence and Abuse Affect Victims?

Violence and abuse can affect victims in many different ways. It can have psychological, physical, social, and financial consequences that may continue long after the abusive experiences have ended.

Common consequences of intimate partner violence include:

depression
exhaustion and burnout
anxiety
fear and panic
reduced sense of self-worth
shame
guilt
anger
problems with sleep
physical injuries

Many of these effects, particularly shame, can also make it more difficult to seek help or talk about the experiences.

People who have experienced violence or abuse may remain in a constant state of heightened or reduced alertness, as if their nervous system is always on standby for any threats. This can lead to long-term stress and emotional strain, which may also affect memory, concentration, and learning. As a result, work, studies, and personal relationships can be negatively affected.

Experiencing violence or abuse can also make close relationships more difficult. Low self-esteem, difficulties trusting others, and a fear of vulnerability may create challenges in relationships. In new romantic relationships, difficulties related to intimacy and sexuality may also arise. Sexual violence can be particularly harmful to a person’s sense of sexuality and sexual wellbeing.

Long-term exposure to violence and abuse often has a negative impact on self-worth, self-image, and self-esteem. Over time, a person may feel as though they no longer know who they are. Low self-worth can make it more difficult to leave an abusive relationship and to build healthy, balanced relationships in the future, increasing the risk of becoming involved in harmful relationships again.

Experiences of violence can also have financial consequences. These may be a result from a reduced ability to work, or from costs related to leaving the relationship and maintaining personal safety.

Suicidal thoughts and self-destructive behaviour are also relatively common consequences, particularly when other symptoms persist over a long period of time. Self-destructive behaviour may include, for example, excessive alcohol use. It is important to seek help as early as possible if suicidal thoughts occur frequently or are causing any concern. Support is available, for example, through the MIELI Crisis Helpline on 09 2525 0111.

Experiencing Violence and Abuse in a Close Relationship

How Do Violence and Abuse Affect Victims?

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