Warning Signs of an Abusive Relationship

Abusive or controlling behaviour is not always apparent at the beginning of a relationship. It starts to become more visible as the relationship progresses. A person who is infatuated or in love may also interpret their partner’s behaviour in an overly positive way, which can sometimes lead them to overlook or excuse concerning behaviour.

However, there may be warning signs in a partner’s behaviour that raise concerns about controlling or otherwise abusive tendencies. These warning signs are often referred to as “red flags”.

In many cases, these warning signs are not yet clearly abusive. Instead, they may fall into a grey area, leaving a person feeling confused or uncertain. It can be difficult to put into words why something about a partner’s behaviour feels unsettling or suspicious.

When you notice a warning sign, it is important to pause and reflect on the situation. It can be helpful to discuss your concerns with a friend or another trusted person to gain an outside perspective.

If you are not yet ready to talk about the situation with someone, you can also reflect on your experiences with the help of RIKUbot.

Common Warning Signs

Lovebombing

Lovebombing refers to overwhelming a partner with excessive attention, affection, and grand gestures of love. This behaviour is often associated with the early stages of a relationship. The aim may be to shower a new partner with attention, gifts, compliments, or other displays of affection so that they focus on the positive aspects of the relationship and overlook potential concerns. Love bombing is a form of manipulation that is used to create strong emotional attachment and commitment very quickly.

Rapid Commitment

For example, planning to move in together, start a family, or get married very early in the relationship.

Controlling Behaviour

This may include demanding access to messages sent to other people or attempting to control a partner’s appearance, such as repeatedly criticising the way they dress.

Excessive Jealousy

For example, repeatedly making unfounded accusations of cheating or trying to prevent a partner from maintaining contact with people of a different gender.

Negative Changes in Behaviour as Commitment Increases

A partner’s behaviour may become more negative as commitment in the relationship grows, for example after moving in together, getting married, or becoming pregnant.

A common feature of abusive relationships is that the abuse becomes more severe as the level of commitment increases. Greater commitment often makes it more difficult for the victim to leave the relationship. In some cases, the abusive partner may have concealed their true behaviour until they feel secure enough in the relationship and believe that their partner is unlikely to leave.

Fear

Fear is one of the most important warning signs because an intimate relationship should feel safe. If your partner makes you feel afraid, it is important to take that feeling seriously and stop to reflect on what may be causing it.

Read more about domestic violence

• Domestic violence can affect everyone
• Dynamics of an Abusive Relationship
• Experiencing Violence and Abuse in a Close Relationship
  • Traumatic Crisis of Domestic Abuse
  • Children and Adolescents as Victims of Domestic Violence
• Forms of Violence and Abuse in Close Relationships
  • Emotional Abuse in Close Relationships
  • Physical Violence in an Intimate Relationship
  • Sexual Violence in Close Relationships
  • Digital Abuse in Close Relationships
  • Coercive Control in Close Relationships
  • Economic Abuse in Close Relationships
  • Honour Based Abuse in Close Relationships
  • Spiritual or Religious Abuse in an Intimate Relationship
  • Post-Separation Abuse and Stalking in Close Relationships
• Leaving an Abusive Relationship
  • Considering Safety in Situations Involving Domestic Violence and Abuse
  • Advice for Those Supporting a Victim of Domestic Abuse
• Recovering from Abuse and Violence