Emotional Abuse in Close Relationships
Recognizing emotional or psychological abuse can sometimes be difficult because it may be subtle and hard to prove. However, it is the most common form of abuse and is present in almost every close relationship where other forms of abuse also occur. It may happen occasionally or be a constant part of the relationship’s dynamics.
Emotional abuse can take many forms, including manipulation, ridicule, belittling, shouting and aggressive outbursts, threats, coercion, blame, and controlling behaviour.
Manipulation
Manipulation involves trying to influence another person’s behaviour or decisions through deception, distortion of truth, or unfair emotional pressure. It is a common form of emotional abuse. A person who manipulates others seeks to influence how another person thinks, feels, and behaves. They may intentionally exploit vulnerabilities, such as insecurities about appearance, social skills, or self-confidence.
Gaslighting
Gaslighting is a complex form of manipulation in which the perpetrator tries to undermine another person’s trust in their own judgement, memory, and emotions. For example, they may falsely claim that a specific event never happened and insist that the other person is imagining things. They may accuse their partner of overreacting or call them “crazy” when they express feelings such as concern, frustration, or sadness. Over time, repeated gaslighting can affect a person’s ability to distinguish between what is real and what is not. Their memories may become uncertain, and they may find it increasingly difficult to trust their own thoughts and feelings.
Jealousy
Jealousy is a normal emotion that can occasionally arise in many close relationships. However, excessive jealousy, particularly when it is used to justify restricting another person’s freedom, is a form of emotional abuse and controlling behaviour. An abusive person may use jealousy as a reason to limit another person’s social life, interfere with their relationships, or violate their privacy by reading messages or monitoring their activities.
Talk to a Professional for Support
In a relationship where emotional abuse is ongoing, the overall relationship dynamic and balance of power are unhealthy and unequal. Emotional abuse may also be accompanied by other forms of abuse.
Sometimes it can be difficult to determine whether a particular behaviour is emotional abuse. Situations may fall into a grey area. For example, shouting is not automatically abusive. However, shouting in order to intimidate, control, or dominate another person is abusive behaviour.
If you are concerned about the behaviour of someone you are in a close relationship with, it can be helpful to talk to a professional who specialises in domestic violence and abuse.
An Argument or Abuse?
Arguments and disagreements are a normal part of close relationships. However, it can sometimes be difficult to distinguish between arguments and abusive behaviour.
Although arguments may involve strong emotions, their purpose is ultimately to address disagreements and find solutions. In a healthy disagreement, both people are able to express their views respectfully and without fear of punishment, such as having objects thrown, being humiliated, or being subjected to days of silent treatment.
Even when feelings run high and people feel hurt, mutual respect and a sense of safety should remain present.
Behaviours such as humiliation, domination, coercion, and blackmail are forms of emotional abuse and are not a normal part of disagreement. Any direct or indirect threat of violence is abuse, as are threats of self-harm that are used to control another person.
Distinguishing between an argument and emotional abuse can sometimes be challenging. In such situations, it is important to consider the overall pattern of behaviour within the relationship. For example, raising one’s voice or briefly shouting out of frustration or hurt can occur during arguments. However, if the purpose of shouting is to frighten, silence, or control another person, it may constitute emotional abuse.
One important warning sign that a relationship may involve abuse is fear. If arguments make you feel afraid, or if you begin avoiding important conversations because you fear the consequences, it may be helpful to reflect on the relationship with someone outside the situation.
If conflict in a close relationship is causing concern, it can be useful to discuss the situation with a professional who specialises in domestic violence and abuse.
Read more about domestic violence
- Domestic violence can affect everyone
- Dynamics of an Abusive Relationship
- Experiencing Violence and Abuse in a Close Relationship
- Forms of Violence and Abuse in Close Relationships
- Physical Violence in an Intimate Relationship
- Sexual Violence in Close Relationships
- Digital Abuse in Close Relationships
- Coercive Control in Close Relationships
- Economic Abuse in Close Relationships
- Honour Based Abuse in Close Relationships
- Spiritual or Religious Abuse in an Intimate Relationship
- Post-Separation Abuse and Stalking in Close Relationships
- Leaving an Abusive Relationship
- Recovering from Abuse and Violence