Post-Separation Abuse and Stalking in Close Relationships

Post-separation abuse refers to intimate partner or domestic violence that continues or begins after the end of a romantic relationship. The perpetrator is the victim’s former partner.

Post-separation abuse may take many forms, including excessive messages and phone calls, following and monitoring the victim, making threats, or attempting to damage the victim’s reputation. Deliberately complicating or prolonging matters related to the separation or shared children in order to cause emotional or financial harm can also be a form of post-separation abuse.

In many cases, the abuse began during the relationship. The risk of post-separation abuse is particularly high when the relationship involved coercive control or a strong sense of possessiveness towards a partner. Post-separation abuse can also occur after a short relationship, a relationship that was only just beginning, or a relationship in which the partners never lived together.

Some cases of post-separation abuse meet the definition of stalking. Stalking occurs when a person repeatedly threatens, follows, monitors, contacts, or otherwise unlawfully harasses another person in a comparable manner, and their actions are likely to cause fear in the victim.

The Abuse May Extend Beyond the Primary Victim

Abuse may expand beyond the primary victim and be directed at people close to them, such as family members, friends, or a new partner. Shared children may also become targets of abuse, either directly or indirectly. A perpetrator may attempt to use children as a means of carrying out the abuse.

For example, speaking negatively about the other parent in front of the children, questioning children in order to obtain information, reading messages between the other parent and the children without permission, or using children as messengers can place them in the middle of the abuse and turn them into “pawns” in the perpetrator’s efforts to control or harm the other parent.

Help Is Available

In cases involving close relationships, a stalker may be a former partner, but they may also be a relative, a parent, or another close person with whom the victim does not wish to have contact.

In general, it is often advisable not to respond to a stalker’s attempts to make contact. Instead, where possible, the person should be blocked through all available communication channels. However, it is important to inform the authorities, support services, and trusted people about the stalking so that appropriate action can be taken and support provided.

In some cases, when the stalker receives no response or reaction to their behaviour, the behaviour may gradually decrease over time because it no longer feels rewarding to them.

Stalking in the context of a close relationship can be a long-lasting and highly distressing experience. For this reason, it is important to seek support from services that specialise in helping victims of stalking and domestic abuse.

Read more about domestic violence

• Domestic violence can affect everyone
• Dynamics of an Abusive Relationship
  • Warning Signs of an Abusive Relationship
• Experiencing Violence and Abuse in a Close Relationship
  • Traumatic Crisis of Domestic Abuse
  • Children and Adolescents as Victims of Domestic Violence
• Forms of Violence and Abuse in Close Relationships
  • Emotional Abuse in Close Relationships
  • Physical Violence in an Intimate Relationship
  • Sexual Violence in Close Relationships
  • Digital Abuse in Close Relationships
  • Coercive Control in Close Relationships
  • Economic Abuse in Close Relationships
  • Honour Based Abuse in Close Relationships
  • Spiritual or Religious Abuse in an Intimate Relationship
• Leaving an Abusive Relationship
  • Considering Safety in Situations Involving Domestic Violence and Abuse
  • Advice for Those Supporting a Victim of Domestic Abuse
• Recovering from Abuse and Violence