Recovering from Abuse and Violence
Recovery from experiences of abuse is often a long-term process that is influenced by many factors, such as the duration of the abuse and whether support was received at the right time. Recovery is rarely a straightforward process. It does not progress steadily towards improvement at all times, but often includes setbacks and periods when progress feels slower. Recovery takes time and patience, and it is not “a task to be completed”. However, there are many ways to support your own recovery.
How Can You Support Your Recovery from Abuse?
Process What Happened by Talking About It
Recovery can be supported by talking about your experiences with trusted people, professionals, or peers who have had similar experiences. Writing about what happened, either for yourself or for others, can also be helpful.
Processing experiences through language often helps create a coherent narrative of what happened. This can make it easier to understand the events and their impact as part of your life story. It can also help you recognise that a traumatic experience does not define your entire life or identity, and that you also exist beyond what happened to you.
Verbal processing is often an important part of building a positive self-image. A perpetrator may have repeatedly communicated negative beliefs about the victim, gradually shaping the victim’s view of themselves and their abilities. During recovery, it is important to challenge these beliefs and replace them with a more realistic and positive understanding of oneself.
Seek Peer Support
For many people who have experienced abuse, peer support is an important source of help because it involves both receiving support from others and offering it in return. Peer support can be particularly effective in reducing feelings of shame. It may take place through conversations, writing, or simply reading other people’s stories. It can also involve shared activities with others who have experienced abuse.
Physical Activity Strengthens the Connection Between Mind and Body
Physical activity can support recovery because trauma is not only experienced psychologically but also affects the body. Movement and bodily activity often help release some of the effects of trauma and strengthen the connection between mind and body. For example, positive effects of dancing on trauma-related symptoms have been discovered in several studies. However, any form of physical activity that promotes a sense of wellbeing can support recovery.
Creativity and the Arts Can Support Recovery
Creativity and experiences of beauty can support healing. This may include engaging with visual arts, music, or other creative activities, either as a participant or as an observer. Creative approaches are also used in many forms of therapy and can be especially helpful when talking about experiences does not feel natural or comfortable.
Social Connections Matter
A sense of social belonging is important for everyone. Strengthening and maintaining connections with others can therefore support recovery from traumatic experiences. This sense of connection can be fostered through relationships with family members and friends, as well as through communities such as hobby groups, clubs, or peer support groups.
Grief Is Part of Recovery Journey
Grieving is often an important part of the recovery process. The end of a close relationship almost always involves grief, even when the relationship was harmful and its ending primarily brings relief. In addition to abuse, the relationship may also have included positive moments, as well as hopes, expectations, and dreams that must be let go when the relationship ends.
Sometimes grief following the end of an abusive relationship can be accompanied by feelings of guilt or shame. A person may wonder, “Why am I grieving the loss of someone who hurt me?” Other people may also respond to this grief with a lack of understanding, which can increase feelings of shame. It is important to allow space and time for grief and to give yourself the opportunity to work through it. No emotion connected to an experience of abuse is wrong or abnormal.
Read more about domestic violence
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- Domestic violence can affect everyone
- Dynamics of an Abusive Relationship
- Experiencing Violence and Abuse in a Close Relationship
- Forms of Violence and Abuse in Close Relationships
- Emotional Abuse in Close Relationships
- Physical Violence in an Intimate Relationship
- Sexual Violence in Close Relationships
- Digital Abuse in Close Relationships
- Coercive Control in Close Relationships
- Economic Abuse in Close Relationships
- Honour Based Abuse in Close Relationships
- Spiritual or Religious Abuse in an Intimate Relationship
- Post-Separation Abuse and Stalking in Close Relationships
- Leaving an Abusive Relationship